Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Canary Violet 

Yesterday I realized that some people are like "canaries in the mine": they serve as early warning beacons to warn others of unseen dangers. I also recognized the canary in myself. The analogy feels somewhat apropos, but the implied result makes me a little uncomfortable.

That's what I was thinking about yesterday evening when I experienced a striking coincidence that gave the analogy an unexpected poignancy: a small bird crashed into the car I was riding in, presumably expiring in the process. As unusual as that was, the way it happened made it extraordinary.

The car was moving approximately 25 M.P.H.; the bird was standing by the side of the road. As we approached, the bird launched itself in my direction - smashing its little body against the front of the car. I couldn't bear to look at the result, so I have to trust my brother's description that "it wasn't moving."

So there you have it: the bird's tragedy stamped the analogy into my psyche. Though I always maintain a healthy level of skepticism, I confess to occasionally entertaining the anti-intellectual. This is one of those times. Perhaps the bird was just objecting to the analogy...

Before I started blogging and writing essays for Democratic Underground, I participated for more than a year in the New York Times' now defunct Abuzz "knowledge sharing" community. To give you an idea of what Abuzz was like, read the entry titled "A Culture War Battleground." I mention Abuzz because it was there that my beacon began to glow. It didn't go unnoticed. My experience there helped me test and focus my perception, and gave me the encouragement I needed to take my writing to the next level.

It didn't take me long to realize that others were tuning in to my observations. I also realized that the nature of my expression - including the Violet Lake persona - makes me somewhat inaccessible. Allow me to elaborate.

To begin with, I operate anonymously using an alias; you don't know who I am. That's to my advantage, and I confess to enjoying the sense of mystery that I've been able to cultivate. Anonymity also poses an interesting challenge: without the authority that identity can add, ideas are forced to stand on their own. The approach that I'm developing is to create condensed packets of elemental reasoning that flower on impact.

Once in a while, I get a reply thanking me, or expressing agreement with something or other. I've also received a few nastygrams. In general though I operate anonymously and invisibly. I can see that my packets are flowering all over the place, yet I feel like the invisible gardener. I'm forced to conclude that people don't know what to make of Violet Lake or her writing. I also suspect that there's an element of fear involved. My guess is that there's something unsettling about me and you can't put your finger on it.

In the entry titled "The Walls of Perception," I mentioned that I have a special ability. Now I'll tell you what it is.

I have a special ability to bring the best - or the worst - out in people by probing their essence. In person, this ability makes some folks uncomfortable. It's in my eyes; I see them for what they are, and some people don't like to be closely scrutinized. I've always been a perceptive person, but I didn't develop this ability until my sex drive became dormant. When that happened, people started to become transparent. I'm not complaining though. My sex drive is dormant - not dead. It responds beautifully to tender seduction. Besides, I wouldn't trade my x-ray vision for anything.

It's more complicated than just a dormant sex drive though. I also know men and women inside and out. There's only one way to arrive at that sort of knowledge, and it's more difficult and painful than most people can imagine. It's something that a few people accidentally discover at great expense - not something to strive for.

My dual nature first manifested itself when I was a young child. By the time I reached puberty, I had two distinct "minds": one male and the other female. By the time I graduated from high school, the female was dominant. By the time I graduated from college, I was living my life as a woman. I'm one of the fortunate transsexuals who live their lives undetected.

Before I married my husband, I was able to add a little something to my special ability. It was nerve-racking on a few occasions, but it was deeply fulfilling. "Would you like some of this, baby?" Hehe... Men are so easy. "When should I tell him?" It didn't really make a difference. Being up-front made one guy change his mind - and he changed it back after a stiff drink. Men are easy indeed.

Why am I telling you this? So you'll know what I mean when I write things like:

The focus that conservatives put on vulgar masculinity is an impotent reaction to the feminization of Western culture. Have you noticed that the Bush administration has a problem with intelligence? It's no coincidence. Since they don't do nuance well, they'll never learn to get their way without having to bash skulls; that won't go over much longer. And they'll never be able to defend against an enemy with feminine wiles. I've broken enough brutes in my day to know how that works.

I'm telling you so you'll know where some of my fire comes from. And I'm telling you so you'll know where to put your finger. ;)

Most importantly though, I'm telling you so you'll know that if you work long and hard enough for a principled cause, you will eventually succeed. Love is the key. Corny but true...

Now that you know, I can let you in on a funny little secret: I'm a magnet for conservatives. I kid you not. I also had a hot dream a few nights ago that Ann Coulter made passionate love to me. Now I'm kidding.

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